Locked Hearts & Hand Grenades
by your new girlfriend
Summary: first fic here. Two years ago Stephanie Plum decided to fengshui her life and that included getting rid of onoff boyfriend Joe Morelli. She tried to give up being a bounty hunter but it was a job she couldn't kick. All these years later her younger sister
1. Must Read

**Title:** Locked Hearts And Hand Grenades

**Author:** x Beautiful Tragedy x or Jess

**Character Visuals:** Just for those I think you should have and those that I have found at this time eventually I'll get them all. Suggestions welcome finding fitting people is difficult. I probably wont ever do one for Steph or Ranger:  
_Caroline "Cara/Carrie"Panettiere:_ _(Lauren "LC" Conrad: Laguna Beach_  
_Joseph "Joe"Morelli:_ _(Mark Wahlberg: Four Brothers)_

**Minor Note: **I think this story is original but I haven't read much fan fiction on the Janet Evanovich books I must admit. And I have never written one until now. There are just a few AU type changes that I've made to the story though it has all happened through Book Ten as it did in the series. The only real change I've made there is that when Stephanie was younger her parents separated for a while, legitimately and she has a younger half sister as a result of this separation. Her name is Caroline Penattiere and while the family knows (stephanie, valerie, dad, mom, grandma) that she is only half related nobody else in the burg does because what kind of reputation would her mom have? In fact not even her father would know had her mother not been so honest one night. If you can't deal with that then don't read this.

Also while this book does include Stephanie a lot and the rest of the Plum clan make cameos as they would in the books it isn't written in first person and it takes place two years after the tenth book. I haven't read the eleventh so I don't know what happens in it so any inconsistancies will have to be forgiven. Also within those ten years Stephanie and Joe stopped seeing each other and became friends, Stephanie and Ranger have a bit of a relationship going on, and nothing else really has changed.

Now every other chapter will be in Stephanie's point of view but this first one is not. Its in third person so I apologize.Every chapter that isn't in her point of view is going to have a small bit at the beginning in italics that is. Please note that the chapters not in her point of view do not revolve around her necessarily while the ones that are often times will. Should I keep the off chapters in third person or should I put them in Caroline's POV? I'm still messing around with that and have no idea. This is not only Stephanie-centric but also Caroline-centric with the old favorites thrown in because lets face it we love all the characters and the series wouldn't be the same without the rest of the gang around. I am a Cupcake fan but this isn't going to be that sort of pairing type fic sorry.

**Pairings:** Stephanie/Ranger, Caroline/Joe, and maybe a bit of Stephanie/Joe just because I love it so much.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything that you recognize from the Plum series that Janet Evanovich has brilliantly created. All of her characters, while amazing, are just being borrowed for purposes of fun. No profit is being made here I just like to toy with their fates and complicate their lives. I'm sorry its a curse. Along with that all of the chapter titles belong to the creators of One Tree Hill without whom I would have to look up my own songs, titles, and lyrics to set the mood for the chapters. So thanks all you amazingly brilliant people with intelligent minds that I have borrowed from. I promise to return everything in tip top condition.


	2. Every Night Is A Different Story

_When I was two I was afraid of my own shadow, literally. My mom put me outside and I ran back in screaming. Now I know what you're thinking and it wasn't **my **fault. How was I supposed to know the black think following me around was supposed to be there? By the time I was six my mom had me saying hi to my shadow and my life ambition was to be wonder woman. Go figure. My life hasn't changed much since then. I still get chased by 'monsters' but they aren't objects of my imagination. Of course they aren't deranged FTA's though that does happen more often than not and they aren't even one deliciously dangerous fellow bounty hunter I wouldn't mind running from every now and then. The people chasing me these days are my family and they don't literally chase but they do drive me crazy. There's nothing like a Plum family dinner to ensure me that I made the right decision two years earlier. That was when I made a certain vice cop strictly a friend who I happened to have a professional relationship with yet he still remained a permanent staple in my life. Hell he'd probably always be in my life whether I liked it or not and probably we were only off again only this time I was trying to at least make an honorable attempt at keeping him out of my bed and heart. In fact, I was doing pretty good by now._

_Now wasn't the time to think about him though. There was a much bigger situation than Morelli between my sheets that demanded my attention. Valeri and Caroline were both in the same house. It never turned out well when that happened. Not even when we were young and all lived here together on account of Caroline was the half-sister everyone loved to, well, love and nobody knew was half outside of us. Only she was back living at home now since her apartment burned down by arson last month which made Valerie second best based on story alone. Something she had never liked hence why she tattled on me every time I tried to fly._

_A fight between those two was like a fight between a kitten and a pitbull. Or maybe just a kitten and a big dog. Yeah that was it a big, cute, fluffy dog who looked like a nice girl. That was our Caroline cute and cuddly one minute deadly the next. The problem was Valerie the kitten thought she was a lion. She also thought Caroline belonged in New York with her father but how would that make our mother look? The burg thought she was a product of my parents reconcilliation. Yep the Plum's had a secret that could cause gossip not even my wildest stunt could. But the thing is they were legitimately separated for a while and not even my dad would know Caroline wasn't his if my mother wasn't such an honest, upstanding citizen. Okay so really it had been Gradma Mazur but she had never really liked my father. But that was a part of our history we don't talk about. _

_Personally I liked Caroline. She reminded me a lot of myself only she didn't have any ideas about being wonder woman and as far as I knew she didn't want batman. Of course, my father liked to say she had a lot less "accidents" than I did but on account of she isn't a bounty hunter I don't think that counts as an arguement. I happen to know she just has a way of making people want to not tell on her that I couldn't pull off in a million years. What can I say? She's too be admired at least in that stand point. I love Caroline and all but I'd never want to be her not even on her best day._

_But the truth was I had to step in and stop the arguement. My mother had already crossed herself three times and looked three seconds away from ironing. It was my civic duty as a daughter to break it up. Not to mention the last time this had happened Val looked like she had spent all day fighting a lawn mower and lost. But if you had just been told your father wasn't your father you would do some serious damage too so I could understand Caroline's wrath then. Besides being a daughterly duty I had myself convinced that this would make up for the church I hadn't gone to and absolve my catholic guilt. Probably it would only give the burg something else to laugh, er...talk about and maybe I'd score a tiny amount of karmic points._

"Take it back!" Caroline said her long blond hair already pulled back into a pony tail due to the Trenton heat that seemed to remain residual at even this time of night. "You take it back now or I will crawl over this table and make you!"

All eyes snapped to Valerie who stood trying her best to look as menacing as her younger and much angrier half sister was accomplishing just opposite of her at the table. Her eyes cut to the kitchen door through which she knew as the only other escape outside. Equal distance from Caroline as the front door and she looked as though she were calculating the distance of both. On the other side of her their grandmother, endearingly referred to as Grandma Mazur, practically glowed with the excitement of a scuffle between the two. The likes of which she hadn't seen since they had been younger.

"Its true." Valerie yelled back tucking her shorter and still bleached hair behind her ear looking as stubborn as anyone could be. "You can't deny the facts. You're only half one of us."

Though Caroline had the same graceful stance and dainty bone structure of her mother she had a different coloring than her sisters. She was only slightly more pale and her hair was a lot more blonde. Considering both of her siblings had been born brunette it probably had to do with the fact that she was pretty much all blonde with highlights to draw attention away from the sandy color it had picked up over the years. Blue eyes completed the difference and her nose though small was inherited from an italian ancestor on her father's side. While she was half bred in relation to the Plum side as far as the immediate family knew she was completely Italian and her temper showed this clearly.

"What did you just say?" Caroline vehemetly asked as the remaining occupants of the table drew in a breath. The trist between her mother and a New Yorker had always been a touchy subject for Caroline and she was known to be irrational when it was brought up. As her mother layed what was supposed to be a calming, soothing hand on her arm she jerked it away. Pure stubborn determination in her eyes second only to the anger brewing within.

"Come on Cara." Stephanie said noticing the second in which her eldest sister had looked a bit afraid. Taking a step back from the table in front of her. "Think about it. You know that Val isn't going down without a fight. By the time you get around to doing actual damage you're going to get pulled apart. Besides is it worth it to get hosed down...again?"

Caroline looked as though she were actually contemplating what Stephanie had said moving her eyes away from Valerie for a split second. It didn't take long for Valerie to figure out that she had at least a good minute before anyone would notice she was missing. A minute if she played her cards right that was and edging for the door unnoticed was a definite start.

"I guess..." The blonde said looking toward the cieling with a look of thought on her face. Leaving Grandma Mazur looking quite disappointed. Catching movement in the corner of her eye she saw the door between the kitchen and diningroom swing shut and wasted no time skirting around the table running out of it herself. Their mother crossed herself once more and looked toward the sky, her unasked question - _why me?_ Their father gave a light shrug and went back to digging at the food on his plate as though nothing had ahppened though everyone knew that he would be going to the lodge for a drink the following day and Grandma Mazur dug through her black patent leather purse at least twice the size of any of the other purses the women she had eaten dinner with carried.

"What are you looking for?" Stephanie asked wasting time before she'd have to go break up the tiff between her sisters. Jumping into one of their cat fights felt like jumping into a shark tank to her and she was pretty sure that she would rather face Ranger on a bad day. This thought brought a slight smile to her face. There was one reason and one reason only that Steph thought she'd like to cross paths with Ranger. It was a reason she couldn't exactly discuss at the dinner table with her parents.

"Ah ha!" Grandma Mazur exclaimed all too happily as she pulled the .45 long barrell she'd recieved as a gift from a friend after an ice pick accident out of her purse and waved it in the air. Everyone remembered the chicken incident and everyone looked toward the door thinking a simulatneous no. While they knew that she would never hurt her grandchildren on purpose she had terrible aim and had nearly knocked herself out with the gun numerous times. Stephanie saw her mother cross herself and mutter something uncomprehendable under her breath.

"No." She said standing up and starting to clear away the dinner plates. Cleaning was the way she coped with stress and dangerous situations while the others turned to ice cream and the like. It was the burg housewife way. "Stephanie has the situation under control."

"Oh come on." Grandma Mazur protested staring after her daughter. "Stephanie doesn't want to do it do you Steph? Its not like I'm going to shoot nobody. Just a warning shot. Wont even fire it at them. I'll shoot it straight up into the air."

Implying that grandma looked ninety when she was in her early seventies was never a smart choice. But implying that she was too old and fragile to fire a gun without hurting herself or anyone else for that matter was down right dangerous. Not only would it risk her proving you wrong to your face but it would risk her proving you wrong out of your sight. As her father sighed Stephanie lowered the hand that her grandmother held the gun in.

"Its my civic duty as a daughter." Stephanie said voicing her thoughts though keeping the fact that she was using it to absolve her Catholic guilt and make peace with God after missing church every sunday to herself. While she didn't think it would make up for bedding a couple of men out of wedlock she was willing to bet it was a good start. If she were God and someone saved their sisters she was sure that she would be impressed.

Once the curly haired brunette had set foot on the gravel that served as a walkway through her backyard she was glad that her jacket had been in the livingroom on the coat rack for once. August in Trenton was a forgiving time of year and the heat remained residual though the sun had set hours before. Trapped in the pavement and seeping up through the rocks under foot. The humidity was enough to give a person the misguided impression that they were suffocating but being from New Jersey Stephanie Plum was used to this kind of weather. Having lived there all her life she was used to the stale smell that had some how found a way to mix with the smells of homecooked meals wafting in from houses all around her. It was a sin to the food Gods for such a thing to occur.

As she felt the bottom of her shoe scrap pavement Stephanie heard the sounds of people yelling just a few yards away. Looking up to the sky she muttered a near silent why me before she walekd any farther immediately after making a face. She might look like her mother, in some ways, but she was in no way willing to become her mother. At least not just yet. Someday she might settle down but for now she was quite happy being Stephanie Plum: talk of the burg, bounty hunter extrodinaire.

She took her time rounding the corner she knew held her sisters scruffle not from intuition but from the crowd that had gathered. Whenever they'd get into an arguement a crowd would be not far off. It could have to do with living in the burg but Stephanie was willing to bet it had to do with who was involved in the fight. Caroline and Valerie had always had a way of attracting attention to themselves. And rightfully so they had been fighting each other for it for years.

Head down she elbowed her way to the front of the pack and finally looked up to assess the damage and best way to break up the situation. If she let it go any farther Stephanie was sure that Mr. Mohanogan next door would bring out his garden hose as he had in the past. It was a tempting thought but she knew from experience that his aim was terrible and he might hit her and the rest of the crowd by accident. Of course he might just be trying to send a message to the youth. A don't watch fights method. Somehow she doubted that heavily. Besides if Mr. Mohanogan didn't get the hose then she was sure that Grandma Mazur would be out in five minutes waving her gun. Something she couldn't risk no matter how funny it might be to watch.

Watching Caroline and Valerie rolling around, limbs flailing for a few more seconds she took a step forward drawing a bit of attention to herself as she did so. Maybe she could just reach in and yank one of them off. It had been done on television once and she was sure that she could do it. _Yeah,_ she thought looking at them and nodding her head, _this wont be too hard they aren't moving that much anyway. _But as she reached her arm out and had grabbed hold of the back of a shirt she thought was attatched to Caroline one of the boys around her made to keep her from breaking up the fight and she lossed balance toppling over into the mix of things.

It seemed in the confusion the other girls had lost sight of what they were fighting over and who they were fighting with dragging Stephanie into the mix. At first she had given them the benefit of the doubt but when one of them had drug her back by the hair she had drawn the line. A girl could only take so much. Rather than a couple of "Plum" girls rolling around they became a heap of women fighting each other and taking shots where ever they could reach them. Nobody quite sure who they were hitting or why and each trying to protect themselves at the same time. So much so that none had seen the little old man muscle his way through the crowd nor had they noticed the crowd had dwindled down to a miniscule number who had little experience with the little old man and his hose.

"What are ya a pack of wild animals?" Mr. Mohanogan questioned in a voice so rough it sounded as though he'd smoked at least one pack a day his entire life. It was only then that the girls looked up and broke apart but it was seconds too late. The hose went off and they stood screaming catching a mouth full of ice cold water. The old man didn't seem sympathetic at all just rattled off about how it would teach them to fight out front of his house at this time of night keeping the hose aimed in their direction as they bolted toward the alley that would take them up a block to safety. But safety wasn't doing much for their soaked clothing and dripping hair.

* * *

**Note: **I apologize whole heartedly for how crappy this first chapter is. Please R&R I promise it will get better and I was thinking of making this chapter all Steph's POV but I'm not quite sure. What do you guys think? Is it a good idea how I'm going at it with every other chapter not being hers? Also I promise humor in the future I just had a lot of background stuff to get out and the jokes in this chapter are tired and not good. Sorry.


End file.
